Dear Wife,
I’m leaving you for good. After seven years of marriage, I’ve had enough. These past two weeks have been unbearable, and quitting your job was the last straw.
You didn’t notice my haircut, the meal I cooked, or my new silk boxers. You ate quickly and went straight to bed, ignoring me completely. There’s no love or affection anymore, and I can’t take it.
Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia. Have a nice life.
Your Ex-Husband
Dear Ex-Husband,
Thanks for the laugh. After seven years, “good man” isn’t how I’d describe you. I noticed your haircut but kept quiet—it looked girlish. The meal? I don’t eat that anymore. And those boxers? The $49.99 tag was a giveaway.
I quit my job because I won $10 million and booked us a Jamaica trip. Now, I’m free and rich. By the way, my sister used to be Carl.
Your Ex-Wife
